Stick a fork in me......
If you know me, you know I am a pretty easy going person, I am a fence sitter and a nurturer...
That can sometimes be perceived as wishy washy or putting Your needs ahead of mine.
Nope...
That is not the case.
If I have a need, I will most assuredly voice it and pursue it.
If I have a want, I will let you know
If my want is not that big a deal, and I care a great deal about you, I will most likely put your want ahead of mine, if yours is stronger. (because it is just a want with me, and it can be changed)
If I don't care one way or the other (and most likely that is the case) I will say, I don't care, and Mean It~
Lately, I have noticed many people think that I am simply being codependent or just spineless...
Nope Once Again.
Trust me.
If I have a preference, I will let you know.
Or, I thought, that if I had a preference, I would let you know.
I guess not.
So......
From now on, I am going to be more about me.
I have to be, if this cancer has begun to teach me anything, that is it.
I have spent a very long time, trying to make sure that the people around me are happy, and comfortable, which I did not think was such a bad thing, but lately, I have realized that it is not such a healthy thing and I have noticed that I am becoming something I don't like. So I am going to take the necessary steps to focus on me, nurture me, and if you are someone I care a great deal about, you will notice a change, and I Hope you understand.
I just said to someone I would try to hold some of myself back as to not be such a burden
To Hell with that!
I am pissed at myself.
what the hell???
What The HELL???
I am an amazing woman.
I have a contagious and bouncy energy
I, when I am not in a funk due to shit going on in my life, am a pretty darn happy go lucky, fun to be around kind of girl.
I want her back.
and I am taking her back by force.
Walking around trying to be sure I don't rock the boat, is going to stop.
If the boat rocks, then so be it.
If it capsizes, and sinks, oh well.
It is Better to be a strong and confident woman, on a sinking ship...
than a weak and spineless one (even if only perceived as so) on a ship that is sailing into foreign waters anyway.
So, Pass the fork.
I am done.
I wonder if I can breath past my heart the next time I meditate??? I will let ya know.
Well,I am sorry people have been perceiving you as spineless,'cause that's baloney(not the Oscar Meyer kind)!I am glad that you will be taking some Amber time as you deserve it more than almost anyone I know.You are worthy of whatever you need to do to get you through this.Sometimes you just have to stand up and scream,"I'm a bitch!" and it's okay.Occasionally it's even fun,in its own way.I ought to know.I wish you a better evening.
ReplyDeleteH.
You are SUPER amazing! Rock it, girl! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteIf you rock the boat and fall out, then you just start swimming. It's not that hard :-) I'm glad to hear that you are taking care of you!
ReplyDelete:pompom:
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong women and I know you will kick this cancer and it will never come back. I love you sweetie. I still owe you a massage.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Connie
Thank goodness you see what we all see! You are amazing and wonderful.
ReplyDeleteGo on with your bad self.
Kristine
I love you and i am glad you are finding your strength in all of this mess. It is a hard thing to discover that sometimes to put others needs below your own is necessary at times.
ReplyDeleteit's never to late to step up to, and for, yourself. maybe that's why life attacks us at times, so we can finally see what we're made of... if we make the choice to see it. you are one of my greatest inspirations at the moment and anything you can do for you only makes more of you to love, and admire.
ReplyDeleteZen
You are a strong and beautiful woman! Anyone who gets mad at you for doing what you need to do for you, is not worth your time. Love you honey!
ReplyDeleteErin
You rock!
ReplyDeleteAnd if anyone ever dares to say that you are a bitch, just smile and remember that it means:
Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself