Chill.....

I am writing very fast, because I don't want to be late to work, but I thought I would let ya all know how the Oncologist went yesterday.
Not bad.
It did not have the relief factor I think I was looking for, but I don't know if I will get that ever.
What is a relief factor?
It is when you leave the doctors office, you feel a sense of relief because all of your fears and questions have been answered.
Yesterday... not so much.  But I think it is because I have reached a level of Dr. appointments that there are really No Answers, until they take this little beast and his friends OUT of me, then put them under the microscope and then... then there are answers.  Right now, it is like trying to tell me what the gorilla warfare fighters are doing back there in the bush, with out being able to see them.
So, I have decided to just chill.
Yup.
Chill

But I will say, he was a nice man, he checked the pain in my breast and said it is nothing to worry about, that sometimes when they do biopsies they nick a blood vessel or a nerve and that will cause pain (really? really, even 2 months after the biopsy itself, and it is new pain, not old pain)

He also said that we will discuss chemo when we know what we are dealing with.
He said that the radiation is most likely not something I will have to deal with, unless something comes up in surgery that they were not expecting
He said that the tamoxifen is something yes, I will be taking for years and years, after the surgery, but before the surgery, not such a good idea.
Why? well because it takes 4 weeks to even begin to start working in your system, and my surgery is in 6 weeks, and the tamoxifen will cause there to not be as good a read when they do the sentinel node biopsy, so lets just leave that medication until after surgery.
Ok, sure.
I told him I wanted to be super ubar massively aggressive and if the chemo would only give me a 1 or 2% better chance of non recurrence then fine, lets do the chemo, (boy was that hard to say) But he said we will talk about it later, that there may be a better chance of non recurrence by lifestyle changes, like moderate weight loss, the foods I eat, exercise  etc... Funny how when a doctor starts saying weight loss, diet and exercise it just goes into a fog of Blah blah blah.... but more on that later.

So, rather than getting all wrapped up in... Oh oh what can I do, how can I plan, what will I need, etc etc etc.... Fine, I am letting go. I will just chill.

Not much else I can do.

I came across this quote today... it seemed to fit.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

-Eleanor Roosevelt